Ava’s Newborn Pictures

Here’s the post I’ve been super excited to share on my blog! When I was pregnant with Ava, I knew I wanted to get newborn pictures of her. They’re only young once and it was super important to me to have pictures of her when she was a newborn. My photographer, Kree, who I found on Yelp was amazing! She also did my maternity pictures. She let me decide if I wanted to do outdoor or indoor for Ava’s pictures. Since she was born in February, I thought it’d be too cold to have her be outside, so we did an inside shoot. I’ll let the pictures speak for themselves because there’s no way I can describe how beautiful they came out. If you’re on the fence about getting newborn pictures done because they’re expensive, just get them done…you won’t regret it! Just make sure to do your research on the photographer and make sure you’re comfortable around them. If you guys have any questions, feel free to leave me a comment and I’ll do my best to answer it.

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LuLaRoe!

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I’m super excited to share on my blog that I decided to sign up with LuLaRoe to be a fashion consultant! I’ve had people ask me to join their team selling (insert name here) products and I was never interested in doing that at all, but clothes are a different story. What woman doesn’t like clothes? I first heard about LuLaRoe when my previous co-worker added me into a Facebook group that did weekly sales. It took me a while before I actually paid attention because I normally just tune out stuff like this, but when I looked at the different clothes, they were super cute and looked really comfortable. I ended up buying a few different items and when I wore them, I fell in love! Their leggings are probably what they’re best known for because they’re buttery soft.

After I had Ava, I was trying to figure out what to do with my job and how could I contribute in our family? My husband and I first decided I was going to stay home, but I didn’t think we were financially stable enough to do that, so instead, I quit my full time job and got a part time job…this is where LuLaRoe comes in.

LuLaRoe is something I could do on the side to make extra money. Some women sell Younique cosmetics, others sell Herbalife, but me, I’m selling clothes. When I first thought about being a consultant, I got really excited about doing it! This was the first time I was excited about doing something different. Also, I’m not quite sure how the other companies work, but LuLaRoe puts no pressure on consultants to make a certain amount or to recruit a certain amount of people. I will obviously be making goals because I would like my business to thrive, but I’d love to have the opportunity to make extra money doing something that’s fun.

I’ve recently gained some new followers, so I hope you guys will continue to follow me on my LuLaRoe adventure! I’m so excited for this new opportunity in my life. If you have any questions, please feel free to contact me!

Catch Up Time!

OMG! OMG! OMG This post might be all over the place because I’m going to try and catch up about Ava and post her monthly pictures. I still have yet to blog about breastfeeding and also her newborn pictures…*sigh*…so many things I’d LOVE to blog about, but so little time.

Ava is going to be 6 months this month. Where did the time go? I can’t believe my little baby girl is halfway to being 1I think the last picture I posted of her was her 3 month old pictures, so below is her 4 and 5 month old pictures + some other ones I just HAD to share because I’m a mom and think everyone wants to see pictures of their baby LOL. Our dog Lucy (she’s a European Doberman Pinscher, in case you were wondering) also likes to be in the pictures 😉 I’ve really been into taking pictures and editing them, then posting on my Instagram account. If you’re interested in following, my name is ronaann!

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Home life is great so far. Hubby has been telling me that his partner is interested in becoming an FTO, so that means they will most likely not be partners next year. My husband isn’t really interested in being an FTO and he wants to pursue having a canine partner. I think it’d be pretty awesome having a police canine in our home. I’m not quite sure how they’re supposed to be when they’re at home because he’s told me that one of the guys who has a canine doesn’t let it interact with his family and the family dog. It might just depend on the dog. I’m not looking forward to him becoming a canine unit because that means his seniority will change again. Right now his schedule is pretty nice because he gets Saturdays, Sundays, Mondays, and every other Tuesday off. When he goes to work, his shift is 2PM-2AM. Once it changes, he told me he will most likely be doing dogwatch again…which is nightshift…like when we first got married. Being at home alone at night wasn’t that bad when we didn’t have Ava, but now that we have her, I’d prefer him to be home with us. I just feel safer when hubby is home.

Well, it’s getting late, so I’ll just end this post here. The mister has training tomorrow, but he’ll be off hopefully before me or around the same time as me, so I’m hoping I can squeeze in another blog post tomorrow night.

I’m A Bad Mom

I’m typing this entry on my phone because I’m not home and instead am at my parents’. Over the past couple of days, I’ve been feeling so down. I feel burnt out and feel like I’m doing everything in our household. I feel like I have to keep giving myself mini pep talks just to get through the day.

I’m not sure what leap Ava is going through now, but when she’s having a bad day, I’m having a  worse day.

This week, I was completely thrown off because my husband got called in work because of a tactical activation. I didn’t see him at all for almost 2 days. The only reason I saw him was because I asked him to drop off some milk bags since I ran out while I was at work. Now I know why the divorce rates are high among couples who are married to LEOs.

Today, I felt like a bad mom because I was talking to my dad and I told him I wished I wasn’t married and that I didn’t have a baby…actually I told him I just wanted to leave and disappear. I feel like the responsibilities of being a mother are just so hard sometimes. Even though I only work part time, I’m still so exhausted when I go to bed at night.

I hate being the angry version of myself. I treat my husband badly and also get really frustrated when dealing with Ava. I feel like it stems from my frustration with my husband and how I feel like he doesn’t care about my feelings. It’s all small things too that shouldn’t even be causing this much stress. It’s things like not putting the dirty clothes in the hamper or not cleaning the litter box…or maybe it’s the fact that he can’t even fucking vacuum. Excuse my language, but this is how I feel. I feel so unappreciated. I think the worst part is…it’s that he has no clue. He just thinks I’m angry all the time. I think the title of this post doesn’t go with the content I wrote..oh well.

Adjusting to Mom Life

It’s been so long since I’ve been on here that I can’t even remember when was the last entry I made. So much has happened since then! Ava is now 3 months old and I started a new job!

After I had Ava, I knew I wasn’t going to be able to continue working full time. I also knew my current job wasn’t going to accommodate me cutting down my hours. I can’t remember when I started applying for jobs; I think it was probably a little before I had Ava. I only applied for two jobs and I ended up getting a callback from one of them. The position was for a part time Office Specialist I working for the city. I was really excited when I got the call to schedule the interview. The interview was a little overwhelming for me. I had 4 people interviewing me and after my first interview, I had a 2nd interview with 2 other people. In the end, I was offered the job. I ended up accepting the position because they kept telling me that the schedule is flexible and during this time, that’s definitely something I need especially with my husband’s changing schedule. I just completed my 2nd full week and I’m loving it so far I work at a community center so I deal with the public a lot. Aside from having really fun co-workers, I’m also loving my schedule. I only work Monday-Thursdays with Monday/Tuesday working 8 hours and then Wednesday and Thursday are my short days.The pay isn’t also that bad since it’s still almost as much as my previous job. Is it bad that I enjoy coming to work and am finally okay with leaving Ava with the sitter? The first week was really hard because I was really sad about dropping her off and was worried that she’d forget me…weird thinking right? How could she forget me? She was still going to see me everyday. Now that I’ve finished my 2nd week, dropping her off has gotten easier and we’re starting to have a routine.

On to more happy news….Ava is 3 months old! She’s growing up so fast, it’s making me a little sad. Sometimes when I put her to bed, I’d sit in bed thinking about how much time passes by so quickly. It seems like it was just yesterday that I was telling my husband that I was pregnant. 9 months also seems like a long time, but looking back at it now, I miss being pregnant. I miss feeling her moving inside my tummy, but I’m so happy when I wake up in the morning and I see her smiling up at me. Here she is! I also want to make a separate post of her newborn pictures because I thought it turned out really great!

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Baby Blues

Being pregnant with Ava was a breeze and so was delivering her. I’ve read about having the baby blues after giving birth, but I never thought it would affect me…I was wrong. It’s definitely a real thing and it’s something I’m struggling with right now.

During the daytime I’m perfectly fine and my mood is normal and even happy, but right around 5 o’clock, I feel myself starting to get depressed. There’s no reason for it either, which makes it even more frustrating.

I talked to my mom and she made me feel better by saying it was normal and the best way to get over it was to look at Ava and think about how blessed my husband and I are for being able to have her. I have to be honest and the times that I do catch her smiling, it’s one of the best feelings ever.

One of the worst things I’ve had to deal with is when I start to feel inadequate about being a mother. I start to doubt myself and from there, it’s all downhill. I’m just glad my husband is there to pull me out of that rut. He constantly reminds me that I’m doing great job and that there really is no master plan on how to raise a child. I’m so lucky to have him. I have no idea how it’ll be when he goes back to work next Tuesday. I have a feeling I’m going to be spending a lot of my evenings driving to my parents so that I won’t have to be alone at home with Ava. Anyways, I better get some sleep while Ava is also down. Until next time!

Ava’s Birth Story

Ava was born on 02.23.2016 @ 8:57 AM. She was 7 lbs. and 13 oz.

I was already scheduled to have a c-section the day she was born, however Ava had plans of coming out on her own that same day. At around 2:15 AM, I heard and felt a popping sound. At first, I was thinking that it could be my water breaking, but since I was laying down, I didn’t feel any wetness. I disregarded it and a couple of seconds later, that’s when I felt the water leaking! I ran to the bathroom and sure enough my water broke. I called the hospital where I was scheduled for my c-section and asked them if I can go there early since my water broke because I wasn’t scheduled to come in until 6 AM. The nurse said to come so my husband and I made our way to the hospital. I learned that when your water breaks, you CONTINUE to leak…I had no idea. I thought that once your water breaks, that’s it, but I was wrong. During our drive to the hospital, I started feeling contractions. They weren’t bad, but it was uncomfortable.

Once we got to the hospital, they took me to the triage room and started my IV. I was starting to get anxious because the contractions started to become a lot more painful, I was hoping that they’d just start my c-section early, but when they spoke to the doctor who was going to perform my c-section, she said to wait until the time I was actually scheduled. I was freaking out because that was a huge time frameWe got to the hospital around 2:30 AM and they were telling me to wait until 8 AM. I was worried that I was going to have to deal with the painful contractions, but thankfully, the time passed and before I knew it, I was headed to the OR.

The nurses took me to the OR first because they needed to prep me before letting my husband come in. The nurse anesthetist explained to me what she was going to be doing regarding the spinal block and I was really scared at that point. I was worried that it was going to hurt! I did feel the pinch of the needle going in, but after the shock, it wasn’t that bad. I felt my legs starting to tingle and eventually, I couldn’t feel anything from the waist down. They inserted a catheter, which I’m glad they waited until I was numb because I bet that would’ve been more uncomfortable than the spinal block. One of the nurses got my husband and pretty soon they went to work. It seemed like everything happened really quick because before I knew it, I heard a baby crying. As soon as I heard the crying, I started crying. Our little girl was out! I couldn’t wait to see her…but I had to wait because the doctor had to put me back together.

I don’t really remember much after that because the medication they used to numb me had some crazy side effects on me. I remember the nurse asking me if I wanted to see Ava and I said yes and then I started feeling nauseous. I vomited a couple of times and they had to keep me in the recovery room longer than expected because I couldn’t stop vomiting. They never separated me from Ava, though. I remember her being next to me in her own little bed and my husband was also there with me.

Eventually they took me to the Post Partum unit and I was admitted for 3 days. I was actually feeling better by the 2nd day, however Ava’s temperature was fluctuating and they felt it necessary for us to stay an extra day to monitor Ava and to also check her blood to make sure there wasn’t an infection going on with her. After my c-section, I was surprised at how quickly my nurse wanted me to start walking. I thought they’d at least wait a day before having me get up and walk, but NOPE…by the end of day of when I had my surgery, my nurse was asking me to try and get up and dangle my feet at the side of the bed and if I felt up to it, to stand up and try walking. This was another hurdle I had to get over. I was so scared of how much I thought it was going to hurt, but looking back at it now, it actually wasn’t that bad. It was definitely painful, but it was manageable. Once my nurse saw that I could get up and walk, they took out my catheter. It was so weird having one in me because I never felt the sensation like I had to pee, but I definitely felt the catheter. It felt a little uncomfortable when they took it out, but again, it wasn’t that bad. I think the most painful thing throughout my stay at the hospital had nothing to do with Ava’s actual birth. It was breastfeeding Ava that was the most painful! I’m definitely going to make a separate post on breastfeeding because I have a lot to say when it comes to breastfeeding.

Anyways, long story short, Ava’s blood work came back and everything was normal. They discharged me and Ava on Friday, 2.26.16. It’s been awesome being home because I feel like my recovery is going a lot better by being home. Nothing against the hospital I was in because I loved my stay there, but it’s just better being home and having more space to move around. I’m still on my pain medications (Motrin, Norco, and Stool Softeners) and they’ve been great. I have my moments where my incision starts to give me trouble, but again, it’s been bearable and not that bad. Looking back at it now, I’m actually really happy with the way Ava’s birth happened. I got to experience my water breaking and I was able to feel contractions, but I didn’t have to feel the pain of delivering vaginally. I was also able to have my husband throughout Ava’s delivery. I’m sure I missed some parts of Ava’s birth, but it’s 1 in the morning and I need to get some sleep before Ava wakes up for a feeding.

The Day is Finally Here!

I can’t believe the day is finally here! My husband and I are going to be parents! I’m scheduled for my c-section tomorrow and so many thoughts and emotions are running through my head. I’m so excited to meet our little girl, but so scared of the unknown. Am I going to be a good mom? What if I don’t make enough milk to feed her? What if I seriously have no idea what I’m doing?! At least my husband will be home for 3 weeks to help me out during my recovery.

I packed my hospital bag and although I tried not to overpack, I definitely feel like I did. I think I’d rather be over prepared than underprepared, but I’m pretty sure the hospital will have everything I need. I think packing my hospital bag helped me deal with some of my anxiety. Picking out baby girl’s going home outfit was the best part!

I’m going to try and record a video of my experience because I definitely want to have a lot of memories to look back on. I’m a little uncomfortable being on camera, but this is something I really want to do so hopefully I go through with it. I also want hubby to be in it, but he HATES taking pictures so I can only imagine how he’ll be with videos lol.

Well, this is going to be a short post because we have to be at the hospital by 6AM and it’s now 10:30PM. I’m going to try and get some sleep even though I already know I’m going to have a hard time getting to bed.

Pregnancy and 2 ECVs

I can’t believe I’ll be 38 weeks pregnant this Monday! My pregnancy has been perfect so far, but that all changed Wednesday, 02/10/2016. That was the day I attempted a 2nd ECV(External Cephalic Version) or version for short. On my 36 weeks appointment with my OB, she did an ultrasound and saw that baby girl wasn’t in vertex position, which meant that she was breeched and told me about having a version done. I really wanted to have a vaginal delivery because that’s what I had planned in my head, so I told her to go ahead and schedule it. A week later I was in the triage room of the L&D floor waiting for the procedure to happen.

I did a little research of how versions were done so I knew what to expect, but I was still in for a surprise. Versions really didn’t seem that bad before I went in because most of the videos I saw on youtube made it look simple. What happens is, one or two doctors do a quick ultrasound to make sure baby is still breech and then they manually manipulate the baby into the correct position. Seems simple right? WRONG! That was sort of what happened, but they also did other things that I wasn’t expecting.

First, I didn’t expect to have to wear the hospital gown because all of the videos I saw online, the women were in their normal clothes and just had to remove their bottoms. 2nd, I had to get an IV. I hate needles! I’m okay with shots because they’re quick, but something about IVs just terrify me…maybe it’s because it stays inside you, you can see it, and it’s also painful when being inserted. 3rd, the drugs. I didn’t think I was going to be given drugs because like I said, it seemed simple enough, but they ended up giving me two drugs the first time and then just one the second time.

In my first version, the nurse gave me terbutaline, which is an anti-contraction medication so that I don’t go into labor while the doctors try and flip the baby. The other medication they gave me was fentanyl to relieve the pain because the doctor told me it was going to be REALLY painful. The terbutaline wasn’t bad, it didn’t make me feel anything, but the fentanyl…OMG…that was bad. When the nurse gave me the fentanyl through the IV, I started getting dizzy and she said that was normal, but that wasn’t even the worst of it. Once I got the pain medication, two doctors attempted to move baby girl and that was pretty painful. Can you imagine two adults pushing on  your belly trying to move a baby inside you? I didn’t think it was going to be that bad since I had pain medicine, but I still felt the pain. Long story short, it didn’t work. One of the doctors said we could try again if I wanted to and I said yes because again, I really wanted to try and have a normal delivery.

Before they let me leave the hospital, I had to be monitored to make sure the baby was okay and they also had to remove my IV. I was so glad my husband came with me because the fentanyl had me crazy the whole day! When I tried to sit up on the bed to try and stand up, I got really nauseous and  started vomiting (TMI I know). I think I ended up staying for almost an hour even after the procedure was done because I couldn’t get up without getting dizzy and nauseous, but eventually I felt better and I was able to walk to the lobby and then to the car and we made it home…where I knocked out on the couch. After that day, my stomach felt like I had bruising along the top of my belly. It pretty much felt like that for a couple of days, which went away just in time for my second version…hooray?

My second version went a lot better than the first, it still wasn’t successful because the doctor couldn’t flip her, but I opted out of getting the fentanyl this time because it didn’t do anything for me the first time, except make me useless the whole day. I was really discouraged after the second version because I got a call from my primary OB and she told me that she scheduled my c-section because I would be unable to deliver vaginally.

That night, my hormones must have been crazy because I couldn’t stop crying. I hate crying…even if it’s to my husband, I hate crying. Maybe it’s because I don’t like showing  my vulnerable side? But that night, I was really disappointed, scared, nervous, and anxious about having a c-section. I told my husband I felt like something was wrong with me because I couldn’t deliver our daughter the right way. I told him that my pregnancy had been perfect so far and when it was nearing the end, it started going all wrong!

Everyone keeps telling me it’s really not that bad having a c-section and that it was actually better because I wouldn’t have to experience the pain of being in labor…but maybe that’s what I wanted? I want to experience pregnancy how it’s supposed to be.

I think I’m finally coming to grips with it though. I think I’m finally okay with having a c-section delivery. I can’t believe that in just a little over a week, our baby girl will be here! The thought of having a c-section is still terrifying to me, but I’m so excited to finally hold her in my arms. I’m hoping I can update this again before baby girl is here, but if not, I’ll make sure to post TONS of pictures on my next post.

Should I Make YouTube Videos?

My husband gave me a new digital camera for Christmas. I had been talking to him about wanting to make YouTube videos again (I used to be super into makeup and I made makeup tutorials and also uploaded some video blogs). Since I got pregnant, I’ve been thinking about other ways to make money. In the beginning and even until now, I’m still debating with the idea of being a stay at home mom. It’s stressing me out a little bit because I don’t want to put any financial pressure on my husband. He told me that we’d be fine and that if I really wanted to stay at home with our daughter, that he was okay with that.

The only reason I was going to stay at home was because I didn’t want to have to take my daughter to daycare, not only is it expensive, but I really don’t think I could handle leaving my daughter with someone I don’t know. I definitely don’t make a lot of money at my current job and I don’t want what I make to just mostly go to daycare. Why pay someone else to take care of her when I would love to do it for free?

After I started thinking about making videos again, I started thinking about what kind of content I wanted to put up. There are already so many beauty videos up that I feel like there’s no point in me trying to do that too. Don’t get me wrong, I still LOVE makeup, but I don’t think I have the same passion as I did before. It’s hard trying to figure out what I want to do. Maybe I should just stop thinking about it and just do it? What’s the worst that could happen? I know for sure that I would like to start making a weekly video just recapping my week. I think that would be something nice to look back on especially once we have our daughter!